I appreciate this is not a problem that regular* parents need to fret about, but is it entirely necessary for toy manufacturers to dream up new ways to work holes of doom into their designs?

You see, as a CF parent, toys with holes represent drying problems. Moisture caught in toys represents the risk of said toy carrying pseudomonas aeruginosa or mould. Both of these things bring with them anything but the LOLs. They bring infections and aggressive, long-length treatment that may or may not work for CF lungs. Not so hilarious.

Speaking of LOLs, let’s discuss those blasted LOL dolls. The only thing they bring to my world is complete and utter Loss of Laughter. I see my daughter watch these unpacking videos on YouTube, excitedly waiting to see if the doll is a wee-er or a spitter or whatever other gross-er the company has thought up. Meanwhile I have to tell her that her own personal LOL dolls must remain totally dry (as must Mammy, for fear that if she starts drinking from all the worry, she may never stop).

Thankfully, my daughter is the definition of laid back and fully accepts that she can only dunk her dolls in imaginary water (I am under no illusions about how lucky I am on this one). So, what’s the problem? Well, the problem is that I can’t control the weeing and spitting antics of every other LOL doll in the universe. I can’t stop her from going to friends’ houses or from ever engaging in the real, non-sterile world. I certainly can’t ask every parent I ever meet to keep their dolls dry (I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it, LOL!). I’m already paranoid about being ‘that mother’. Thankfully I have met nothing but thoughtful and helpful Mams on our journey so far, but there’s a limit to what you can ask of other people.

When other parents think of dangers for their children, I’m pretty sure LOLs, Tiny Tears, water guns, water tables and paddling pools are not high on their shit list. But in true Chucky style, these are the things that come between me and my sleep. I think it’s particularly hard when you have a girl with CF, as toy manufacturers seem to think that girls want all of their toys to excrete on a regular basis. What is that about anyway? Safe to say that the only thing that’s excreting in this house is cortisol from my anxiety-ridden body.

So what’s a worrywart to do? In the absence of being able to control the toy universe – smile outwardly, scream inwardly and do your best, I guess!

*I vaguely remember being one of those